Ulcerative Colitis

My summary of sabotage from the inside out...

WHAT IS COLITIS?

• "Itis" = inflammation of an organ - Thus inflammation of the colon. 
• Long term disease in a portion of the digestive tract. 
• Auto-immune disorder. (The immune system is confused and works in over-drive, mistakenly attacking itself.)
• Ulcers in the colon. Open wounds in the large intestines. These sores fester and bleed, and yes, they hurt.

WHAT ITS LIKE TO LIVE WITH UC?
Stressful...Uncertain...Painful...Lonesome...Frightening...Exhausting...

Its living on a roller coaster.

I rode the Colitis roller coaster for 6 years. Ages 18-24. My college years were not a typical student's memories. Living with this disease seems unending and can be truly discouraging. UC is a chronic condition, meaning it does NOT go away. Its stuck to you, for life.

UNRELENTING MISERY 12-15-09

My body feels battered and bruised,

Tore in unrelenting pain

Day and night it cries for death, 

Still I waste away

Oh, this unrelenting misery,

Such pain inside my soul

Can I push through another day,

Will I make it if I go?

The road ahead is winding,

Curving in and out of sight,

Trials and traps await me

In my long enduring fight 

Right now I'm scared, frustrated, insecure

I don't know if I can take this anymore

I'm frightened from all the struggles at hand

But I know You're the only One who understands

"FLARE UP"
Colitis has it's ups and downs. At times the condition can be in "remission", with no problems for a season of time. I usually had a couple months of remission each year, always in the summertime. I'm pretty convinced it has something to do with Vitamin D from the sun, seriously. However, at a moment's notice, inflammation can return, causing more ulcers, causing more bleeding and discomfort. When a flare occurs, life goes downhill rapidly. In a few short weeks, things can change drastically, possibly requiring hospitalization. 

TOILETS OF DISMAY
A flare up begins with a small amount of blood in the stool. This concern remains evident for several weeks, maybe even months. Over time, the amount of blood increases, until eventually there's more blood than stool. Let me say, no matter how many times you look in the toilet - shocked - to find your own bright red blood, it becomes no less terrifying. Checking the toilet after you go becomes the norm. Its no surprise that anemia can become an issue for people with U.C.

THE DOWNHILL SLOPE

Once a flare up has begun, painful stomach cramping persists. Similar to the churning stomach pain experienced before diarrhea...?... yeah cramping sort of like that?... yet 1,000 times worse! Yet instead of pooping liquid waste like a normal person with a throbbing tummy would, blood results from the bleeding ulcers. Sooner or later the pain gets SO bad that a decision has to be made to go the emergency room. Since the ER doctors can't "assume" or "diagnose" a condition, they put you through the ringer of stupid, pointless tests...Stuff like tricking you into taking a pregnancy test when you're a virgin...and great awkwardness from being forced to poop and pee into a commode...and making you wait until morning and then releasing you with nothing more than a couple bags of IV fluid in your veins.

HUNGRY, SKINNY HIPPO

Digestion becomes difficult as the ulcers fester and bleed. Food goes straight through the guts and out the "door" before nutrients can be absorbed. Hunger during a flare is a problem, since eating comes with fear. Consuming food can initiate painful stomach cramps, and bring more agony. When it gets really bad, even plain white rice becomes the enemy. Without food, one grows weak, grumpy, and exhausted. A person becomes a melted zombie, barely somehow alive. 

SECRET PAIN
Living with this condition means living in secret pain. I did everything in my power to carry on like an average person, trying to do what I wanted when I wanted...yet my disease dictated my comings and goings. Living with Colitis is daydreaming of the normalcy that's been stolen away.

PLANS?
You can hardly plan anything because this disease is so unpredictable. Planning a trip? HA! A flare up might wreak havoc on your well thought out vacation. Its nice to hope, but this ugly disease more than often robs opportunities.

A LONELY BATTLE
Besides the physical wear and tear a person deals with, Colitis can have detrimental social effects too. It can isolate a person to suffer alone. I literally spent hours locked behind bathroom doors, waiting out waves of abdominal cramps, holding my face into my t-shirt to muffle the groans. As much as friends and family try to offer their support, they can't be there when you're doubled over on the toilet with gut wrenching stomach cramps. They can't help your body absorb food. Sure, they try to help by including you in events, but there are times that sitting in a restaurant, watching your loved ones chow down when you're wasting away is taunting. Best intentions aren't always the best medicine. Sometimes its easier to sit alone and be hungry, than smell delicious aromas and feel insulted and depressed. 

"Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?" -Psalm 6:2

CAUSES
No one is 100% sure what causes Ulcerative Colitis, but there are a number of common theories...

• Genetic - Passed down through the family tree...That's reason enough for me not to continue my biological line. Passing on this awful curse to any poor child would be inhumane. The way I see it, there are plenty of kiddos out there already in need of a loving home. I personally don't want to chance passing on what I've dealt with to anyone else. Period.
• Diet - What you eat...There's quite a  bit of research behind the physical affects of what people eat. I agree that there is truth behind this theory, although I'm not entirely convinced that food alone can create this evil monster all by itself.
• Stress - Triggers that go deep...Stress can have an immense impact on the immune system, numerous studies point out. I generally wouldn't describe myself as a panic-manic, but I believe we all live with hidden stress that we may not realize. Truth be told, stress can weigh SO heavily on these bodies.

WORRY, WORRY, WORRY
For a condition that is caused by stress, it sure causes enough stress of its own! "When will the next flare up be?" How long will I suffer with this condition? What if I can't find a bathroom? How long will I be in the hospital this time? Will I find a medication that will get rid of my symptoms? Will I get to keep my colon? When will I be able to eat again? Will I live without pain ever again??"

MOUNTAIN DEW AND PILLS
So how did I end up with Colitis? No one in my family has any similar issues, so that rules out the genetic factor. If I had to guess, I'd say that the answer is related to my poor habits as a youngster....As a pre-teen and teenager, I drank A LOT of Mountain Dew. I probably drank at least 6 cans of Dew every single day for like 10 years straight. I also took A LOT of ibuprofen (I had very, very painful menstrual cramps). I would take 16 Ibuprofen per day for 5 days straight each month, and usually on an empty stomach. Whoops! I'm not very good at math, but I'm pretty sure that 80 pills in under a week is WAY beyond the maximum recommended dosage! Its a known fact that Ibuprofen in excessive amounts can lead to ulcers. Doi! 

TREATMENT 
The only way to fully get rid of Colitis it to have your colon extracted from your body. No colon = no colitis. Although there's currently no cure (besides surgery), there are several medications available to help treat U.C. The goal is find a medicine that keeps symptoms in check. I tried quite a few medications in my struggle with Colitis. Some made me worse, some worked for a while until my body rejected the medication, and some did nothing at all. Many of the treatments I took were "immunomodulators" (big word for a drug that suppresses the immune system).

Medicines that I tried in my search for relief:

1. Asacol - This actually made my symptoms worse. 
2. Azathorprine (AKA Imuran) - This one worked great for 6 months, until my body decided to become allergic to it! I became extremely nauseous, vomited, and was dizzy for days straight. Just to sure it was truly the medicine making me sick, I waited several days and took another dose...the result...miserably SICK for another couple days. This was a bummer because it can took about 3 months before it started working!
3. Mercaptopur AKA MP6 - This one seemed to help a bit, but not enough to keep me in long term remission. 
4. Allopurinol - Taken as a combination with MP6. (Supposedly Allopurinol improves the performance of MP6.)
5. Canasa - This was only effective when my disease was limited to "Proctitis", which only affects the lower third of the large intestines. 
6. Prednisone - Commonly used during and after a flare up (to suppress gut inflammation). Check out the blog I wrote about this drug-->'Roid Rage. 

There are a few more medications available, but couldn't take them because of a Sulfa allergy. 

One final drug class is the "Biologics", which includes Humira, Remicade and Cimzia. These drugs are reserved for when the disease doesn't get better; they're the back up plan for when all other medicines fail. These medications target specific inflammatory pathways and stop inflammation from happening in the guts. Works for some people, but unfortunately not for everyone. I was terrified of these medications and refused to try them, which eventually only left me the option of surgery when life spiraled out of control for the last time. If you want to read about Humira<--check out what I have to say about my experience with it...(Ironically, I now take this medication, since my RE-diagnosis of Crohn's).

My experience with Colitis impacted me greatly. It bombarded 5 years of my life without invitation. It was completely terrifying to be in a constant battle, when the enemy was my own body fighting against me. I would never have chosen to have this dealt to me. Nobody would. Yet it has also melded me into a person of empathy and perseverance. The Creator of the universe gave me strength to keep on living while I felt so condemned by this yucky condition. 

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26

Puzzle Tree

8-20-2013

A tree made of puzzle pieces,
but the pieces don't fit,
They're mashed in together,
Hammered out until they gave in

What a tactful mess this is...
A tree with roots in the desert,
Streams of water flowing underneath,
Hidden life support, energy

Oh the promise of life,
Of existence beyond this
I cling to it, my dear hope,
Drinking up your endlessness

The missing pieces in this puzzle
Represent my painful struggle
Battles lost, lessons won
The uncountable miracles You've done

Pelvic Floor Dynfunction / Dyssnyergy

The tension in my pelvic floor muscles was causing me great pain, which was crippling to live with and difficult to explain to people. My best attempt = “My butt hurts.” Yes, I had suffered with an unknown butt pain ever since my -->Takedown surgery<--. Unbeknownst to me, I had literally become a tight ass.

INVISIBLE REAL PAIN
I struggled with this undiagnosed pain for over a year without clarity! Doctors ordered x-rays and CT scans to check for potential staples protruding from surgery, but nothing evident showed up. They ordered gut scopes (3 times to be exact) but nothing visible appeared. They prescribed medications for nerve pain, under the assumption that a nerve may have been nicked during one of my many surgeries. Narcotics didn't even phase the unexplained pain. 

After much frustration and lack of answers, I went to the magical place where answers can be found - Mayo Clinic. Thankfully the Mayo doctors  had a name for the invisible, non-imagined pain. After some "special testing" with the pelvic floor specialists there, it was concluded that pelvic floor dynfunction was my problemo.

THE BREAKDOWN: 

*Pelvic Floor = The muscles attached to the pelvic bone, which are mostly used for umm....toilet stuff.
*Dyssynergy = Not in synergy/not cooperating!

WHY ME?

So how did I end up with this sort of dyssynergy? I have a number of theories...

Hypothesis #1 = Colitis. Out of necessity, when you have diarrhea for like 6 years straight, you get pretty good at tightening those muscles.

Hypothesis #2 = Prior to my ileostomy reversal surgery, I was told by doctors that because my waste would be so loose, that I would have to "strongly hold back the urge"...I may have taken this to the extreme and severely over-tightened my poor muscles. 
Hypothesis #3 = Anal surgery - My rectum was surgically removed. I assume that slicing through those muscles could attribute to some ongoing issues...

NOT THE ONLY ONE
Apparently I'm not the only person with Pelvic Floor Dyssynergy. Others include women after childbirth, those who've had traumatic/painful pooping experiences, and people like me, who've had colorectal surgery. Unfortunately certain events attribute to a lack of harmony in the pelvic floor muscles, which become greatly confused. When a person has pelvic floor dysfunction, they tighten the muscles, instead of relaxing them. (Essentially it would be like making a tight fist with your hand all day. At the end of the day, those muscles would exhausted from needlessly clenching those muscles allllll daaaay loooong!)

 ....My next step was to enroll myself into an outpatient physical therapy program at Mayo Clinic with my hopes high.

BREATHE!

The first thing I had to learn was how to breathe properly, because breathing is very important to help the pelvic floor muscles relax. I had to UNlearn how adults breathe - with their stomach sucked in to look super skinny. I had to remember how I breathed as an infant - belly filling full of air and expanding outwards, then falling with exhaling. “Diaphragmatic breathing” is the technical term for this natural process. I figured out that I hardly ever breathe properly.

BIOFEEDBACK THERAPY
During the intense 2 week physical therapy program, I utilized a special type of technology called “biofeedback”. 

Hand-held equipment measures coordination between the pelvic floor muscles as they move. The feedback is displayed on a fancy instrument, which detects when the pelvic floor muscles tighten and loosen. 

Here's how it woks...

Electrodes are placed in contact with skin, and the results are visibly displayed on the equipment. (My gnome volunteered for the visual)

The visible results help patients recognize what they're physically doing, as well as re-learning proper coordination of  the pelvic floor muscles. 

The goal is to get to letter A (green) and be able to sustain it.  

"A" indicates that the muscles are in a relaxed state. 

Relaxed not meaning "I'm-going-to-pee/poo-my-pants". No worries folks, just regular 'ol relaxed throughout the day. (Most people do this automatically without realizing it.) Lucky ducks!!

The orange lights indicate the opposite, that the muscles are tight/unrelaxed. When I started the program, I couldn't even get the light below the middle line! (Not good)

 During biofeedback therapy, I met with my specialist 3 times per day, for 10 days. We worked with the equipment and her knowledge helped me understand how to use the abdominal and pelvic floor muscles properly. 

BUTT THERAPY EQUIPMENT
Biofeedback equipment measures movement by using either external electrode patches (as pictured above), or internal probes :/ or something far more evil - a rectal balloon. Yes world, I pooped a balloon. Actually, I failed, but I sure tried... Just one of many defining moments of my super awkward life...ya know, just hanging out with someone I met a few days prior, who just happened to be watching me try to pass a balloon... There are things you try to forget in life, things you swear you'll never repeat. Yet here I am sharing what I went through - because someone's gotta tell the world that not everyone who passes a balloon is involved in illegal things. Right? Ha ha??  I referred to the biofeedback program as “butt therapy”- rightly so. 

I'M BROKEN!

Overall the program was a difficult for me in many ways. At the end I was drained physically and mentally. It was very lonely at times, since I was at Mayo Clinic by myself for 2 full weeks. Hotel life, 925 miles away from home, just my gnome and I, bored outa our minds.

I struggled after every session because I felt SO BROKEN! Atop surgeries and chronic illness I've dealt with, now this odd dysfunction surfaced. The program definitely tested my patience. At the end of the program, I was discouraged to realize this would not be a" quick" fix. Its truly going to take time time to fully un-learn incorrect (breathing/muscle) habits and then re-learn the basics of daily life. 

GOALS OF BIOFEEDBACK
1. Mentally distinguish between different internal sensations (relaxed vs tight). 
2. Achieve the relaxed state in the pelvic floor throughout each day. (like everyone else does)
[Accomplishing these ideals will lessen tension and result in less butt pain.]
One additional benefit is what I refer to as...
3. "Life skills". I never thought the happiest part of any day would be effectively passing gas on the toilet. Seriously, I get sooo excited and want to yell, "WOO HOO! I FARTED!" Sometimes its the little things that count. Small successes are well worth all the effort. 

FAILING MY HOMEWORK
Since returning home, I found it difficult to continue my physical therapy on my own time (with my own biofeedback device that I purchased for $400). Between working 2 jobs + life, etc, I have a hard time making time to continue my physical therapy. I guess its like anything in life though...

We have to make time for the things that matter to us! As with all things in life, reaping any benefit requires effort and time.

Adventures with Gnomy

I recently spent 2 weeks at Mayo Clinic for a physical therapy program for Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. I drove from Billings, MT to Rochester, MN...a long 13 hour car drive (not including any stops)! Let me tell you all, this is a long trek to make by one's self! With this in mind, I convinced my BFF, Gnomy to join me for the ride. (For the record, I must clear up a common misconception: Although I appreciate all gnomes, I'm not obsessed with gnomes. Better explained: I love MY gnome, got it?? There is a difference. AKA Please everyone stop donating me gnomes, because I won't refuse to give them a loving home, but my heart truly belongs to only one gnome.

"Who is Gnomy?", you may ask. Here's his story... When I was a high school student, I was taking a ceramics class and one assignment was to create an asymmetrical coil pot...I ended up creating this gnome... this heavy 12 pound ceramic gnome, who's arms look like an afterthought. I didn't really plan him, he just sort of happened as I rolled out more coils of clay. During Gnomy's creation process, there were doubters. Most people in  my class thought he would explode in kiln when he was fired. But he did not explode. Then, when I painted him, there were more doubters. The doubters said things like, "the colors are all going to run together when he is fired." But his colors did not run. He is a champion that was made to become my goofy traveling companion. He has been on many journeys with me during the last 10 years...

He's been to Mt Rushmore!

He's been in Babe the Blue Ox's nostril!

He's befriended an ice cream eating chipmunk!

He's encouraged further education!

He's mingled with the OJ!

He's seen the world's largest Holstein cow!

He's surprised people when they need to potty!

He's seen majestic sunsets!

He's been gnome-napped to assist with a marriage proposal.

He's been a groomsman!

He's been filled with 4,657 Skittles!

He's been on wild shopping cart rides!

He's been on a ferris wheel, etc,etc,etc... You get the idea. He's been all over.

"Why Gnomy?"
1. He's completely ridiculous, and a lot of fun..
2. Easy way to make conversation with complete strangers.
3. He makes others laugh, or
4. He scares people/causes them to walk quickly in the other direction.
5. Always have a friend.

As I was saying, I took my travel buddy with me to my solo journey to Mayo Clinic in September. Gnomy agreed to drive half the distance. However, my lazy ceramic co-pilot did not hold up his end of the bargain. He mostly ate snacks and napped the entire way. AND he was supposed to be on the lookout for highway patrolmen. What was he doing when I was driving 91 in a 75 mph speed zone?? Not doing his job, that's what! Cost me $40 he did!! BAD GNOME!

 Reasons why Gnomy wasn't a very good co-pilot:
1. He's a good listener, but not very talkative. After so many hours of silence, a person gets sleepy and needs conversation to keep them awake!
2. Not a very good navigator. My husband basically has Googlemaps built into his brain, but Gnomy is a little more like me, a little more...hopelessly lost. Give this fella a map, and he will get you so lost!

3. He asks to stop at every slightly exciting pit stop. Talk about making a long drive even looonger!

Some of our exciting pit stops and sights throughout our trip: 

World's largest buffalo- Jamestown, ND

Random gas station- middle of nowhere

Largest Scheels All Sports- Fargo, ND

Bronze statue of the Mayo brothers, "Dr. Charlie" (left) and "Dr. Will" (right), in front of the Mayo Clinic Gonda Building - Rochester, MN

Boy and Dolphin Sculpture outside the historic Plummer Building - Rochester, MN

Statue of Mother M. Alfred Moes - Rochester, MN (She convinced the Mayo Bros to make Mayo Clinic a reality)

Helping with wheelchair assistance - Mayo Clinic

Taking advantage of wheelchair service- Mayo Clinic

Mac's Restaurant - Rochester, MN (if you ever get to Rochester, eat there!!!) 

Personal aircraft - landing strip in ND

Basically Gnomy helps keep life interesting. With all I've been dealt during my young adult life, I realize that I need to joke around. Despite serious circumstances, laughter is medicine to the soul. (Plus its funny to make people think I have a screw loose.) So to the people that are "too mature" to be seen with a gnome as cool as Gnomy, I say, "GET OVER YOURSELF." Stop being embarrassed and allow yourself to be lighthearted about a few things. (Rant over.)

J-Pouch Diet

What types of food does a person with a J-pouch eat?? (By the way, if you have no clue what a "J-pouch" is, you can click here --> J POUCH <--to read my blog about my special guts.) While I cannot speak for everyone who lives without their large intestines, I can speak for myself. There are a few things I've learned during the past 16 months since my Takedown surgery. I am sad to report that the diet I previously followed with Ulcerative Colitis is painstakingly similar to the diet I follow now. My eating patterns are similar in the sense that I eat a fair amount of bland foods, while avoiding foods that are difficult to digest. With that said, here's my guidelines for eating in the "No Colon Club". (By the way membership into this elite club requires taxing pain and trauma to the body, often accompanied by but not limited to emotional and physical scars.)  

DO NOT CONSUME/USE EXTREME CAUTION:

*FRIED FOODS - Eating foods that were fried in oil is like drinking pure grease. Fried food=upset stomach. Every now and then I get the intense craving for greasy fried food, but man, I pay for it later. The only fried food I've found to be an exception is fries. Perhaps because they're awesomely starchy, they don't seem to cause problems when I eat them! Yay fries!

*SPICY FOOD - The reasoning I avoid spicy is different from when I lived with Colitis. With Colitis, my colon got ticked off by curry pepper, and consuming often lead to throbbing guts and upset stomach. However, the reason I don't eat cayenne pepper now is because of something called "butt burn", a common problem with J-pouchers. Sometimes the very fire of hell feels like its exiting out my butt. No thank you! Tabasco and yummy jalapenos are out for this chica! =(

*PIZZA SAUCE/TOMATO PASTE - One of the colon's jobs was to help make food less acidic. Unfortunately without my colon, I don't get that benefit anymore. After affect=butt burn. The flavor of pizza isn't worth the toll, which completely sucks because pizza was always my favorite food!!! Oh well, I'm adjusting to having pizzaza made with olive oil instead. 

For the record, Ketchup is somehow different, and causes no problems. Probably because its made of mostly corn syrup/AKA sugar. =D

*JUICE - Although it can be harmless in small doses, it can be a HUGE problem when consumed with even average consumption. For example, last week I bought an 8 oz bottle of Orange/Pineapple Juice that I chose to drink with my "thickening dinner" (lots of bread). Guess who endured 2 days of diarrhea? Yeah, don't go there. If you know anything about fruit juice, you know its mostly sugar. Both naturally occurring sugar and science crafted sugar are both bad news bears for the small gut. 

*MILK -  Drinking a small glass of this calcium rich beverage could produce enough gas to fill a balloon with air! That being said, I prefer almond milk as my cereal accompaniment.

*CARBONATED BEVERAGES - i.e. soda/pop. Its made of bubbles, and bubbles it remains. AKA it causes tremendous gas and discomfort! When I think about drinking soda, I envision filling my guts up with tons and tons of tiny air bubbles; subsequently I change my mind!

*RAW VEGETABLES -  i.e. lettuce/carrots. No matter how thoroughly veggies are chewed, without a colon to help break down the enzymes, they will hardly become any more digested than before they were swallowed. Roughage is just that...ROUGH. 

*MUSHROOMS - Although its a raw veggie, it deserves a point of its own. Mushrooms are at the top of the list of gas producing foods. Stay AWAY. 

*BEANS - Do I even need to explain this one? No. (By the way, green beans are a different story, see cooked veggies below...) 

*SEEDS/BERRIES - Leave these for the birds!  Dried fruit and seeds will hardly get digested.

*NUTS - Of all the things not to eat, this is the worst. The reason they're at the bottom of my list is because I NEVER EVER EAT THEM, because they are PURE EVIL!

 ...and now that I have put that disturbing image in your head, you hopefully will never forget how truly evil nuts are! No matter how well you chew, without a colon, you will still poop gravel. Owwww! Take it from someone who learned the hard way, you truly need large intestines to bother with these. (Okay, eating peanuts on a Snickers bar is not the end of the world, just don't eat 1/2 a loaf of almond bread, like I did.  :O

Please understand that these foods are not actually forbidden, but I do try to follow these general guidelines myself. If I decide to eat something stupid, I try to do it on a day when I know I'll be in the comfort of my own home that evening. 

EAT SPARINGLY:

*FRESH FRUITS+VEGGIES - Admittedly, I do eat cucumbers and pickles and tomatoes, but I limit my intake. Here's the annoying thing about tomatoes though: the skin doesn't get digested. Being the genius weird-o that I am, I peel my tomatoes and throw away the skin. Strawberries seem to be fine, but raspberries are made mostly of seeds, are not as favorable with the pouch. 

*Cheese - I was told by Mayo Clinic that this protein rich, constipating food would be my new best friend. Although cheese is helpful because it bulks, I eat it sparingly and try not to get too carried away. (As with most dairy products, gas is a side effect.)

*Brown rice - Fibrous AKA hard to digest. 

****A huge help I've found in tolerating "problem foods" is something called Beano. These tablets are made from natural enzymes that prevent gas.

I know its sounds fake, but after Takedown surgery, I suffered from almost everything I ate. Once I stumbled upon this amazing helper, I could tolerate eating food a lot easier. I take 3 tablets right before the first bite of food. I do this before just about every snack or meal I eat. There's also a chewable version for people that have trouble swallowing pills. And for the record, Beano works great for people with their colon too! Pre-surgeries, I used to take Beano before eating re-fried beans and it really did help!**** 

SAFE/HAPPY FOODS:

*BREAD - regular 'ol white bread is best. (Avoid fibrous/whole wheat breads.)

*RICE - White, Minute Rice or Long grain is terrific.  

*NOODLES - Egg noodles, spaghetti noodles, Shells, etc! 

*BANANAS - Starchy and sticky again. AND they actually absorb acidity! Yay! A defensive opponent to the dreaded butt burn. So if you must eat pizza, eat a banana with it. Pizza+bananas=yum??

*POTATOES- mashed, baked, boiled. Any way you like them! When I had my ileostomy, these were my best food friend, and they still are... BFF potatoes! 

*POULTRY- Chicken and turkey are both easy to digest. Plus these meats are a good source of protein. 

RAWR, DINOSAUR CHICKENS!!

*COOKED VEGETABLES - Sauteed in olive oil, steamed, boiled or cooked in the oven. As long as they're cooked until they're no longer crunchy, they're tolerable for the guts. They don't have to be "squishy", but the better cooked they are, they easier they are to digest. Some of my favorites to cook are yellow squash and zucchini. 

Please note that I eat a lot of other foods besides the "safe" foods listed. Those are just the most common basic foods that I build my meals upon. Most of these foods are starchy and sticky, which are very good things for people in the No-Colon Club! I guess to sum up the majority of what I eat, I would say a lot of sandwiches, rice dishes, pasta dishes, stir-fry, and casseroles. And I'm totally okay with all those delicious meals by the way. =)

Alright, now maybe I won't get as many questions from everybody about what I can and cannot eat? If you're like me, treat what's left of your guts nicely!

Lost In A City, Lost In Life

I'm horrible with directions. "Horrible" would be an understatement. I'm that person that mixes east up with west. I'm that person who gets even more lost with a map in front of me. This directionally challenged handicap doesn't typically interfere with my daily life. However, this week its kicking my butt, because this week, I'm all alone by myself at the Mayo Clinic. I drove my car 2 states away from home, 15 hours from MT to MN. For the record, I had no problem getting here by myself; as I just followed the Interstate the entire way. :)

I'm here at Mayo for a physical therapy program that lasts for 2 weeks. The program has been intense, frustrating and stressful. I've been having 3 appointments per day, and am seeing very slow but sure progress. I'm trying really hard not to let it my frustration show and to keep my composure. Its hard to be strong when reminded so many times per day that I'm broken. Stupid busted up, confused body. UGH. I'm trying to be patient, really I am.

Being impaired with directional skills, I've managed to get myself lost driving in Rochester a few times thus far. (I'm not sure how I got lost, as the population is only 100,000 ish...I guess I'm just super special...) One time I was lost for 45 minutes, but was able to find my way back to my hotel. Tonight was a different story though. I got stupid, hardcore, totally blonde, L-O-S-T, lost. 

It all started when I was trying to meet up with a friend from college across town. Overly confident with my GPS on my phone, I figured it would be easy. It would have been easy, except for the fact that every route my phone took me on turned out to be blocked. Thanks, road construction, for being in the way of where I wanted to go. Three different routes were barricaded- Really?? Plus there was no detour indicated, just completely blocked off.

After many attempts and surprise road closures, I decided to give up on any plans, and head back to my hotel. Problem was, by this point I was too spun around to get back easily... For 2 hours I tried to get to my hotel, and after many wrong turns, and infuriating one-way streets, I was getting pretty upset. So I decided to stop stressing, and just drive until I found something familiar...which got me even more lost. Throughout my desperate attempts to find my hotel, I nearly ran out of fuel, asked multiple businesses for directions, collected useless paper maps, and even asked a police car escort me to my hotel. My breaking point came when I was escorted by a nice police man to the wrong hotel! As it turns out, there was another hotel by the same name across town, which resulted in me becoming even more lost! UGH! Oh yeah, and of course then my phone battery ran out. 

Personally, one of the most frustrating things in life is being lost. I hate not knowing which direction is the right way to go. I hate spinning in circles and getting dizzy. Tonight as I drove around completely lost for 2 hours, I realized that I feel the same way about my health struggles. It seems like I've been driving around aimlessly for the past 6 years of my life. I've taken helpful advice from strangers, I've followed people who claim they know where to go, I've tried my best to get where I need to be, but I haven't quite arrived yet. I'm making choices necessary to hopefully get me to a better place, but its discouraging to be barricaded by constant dead ends. 

Tonight at the intersection of 4th AVE. NorthEast, and 4th STREET NorthEast, (when I was supposed to be on 4th Avenue NorthWEST), I reached a point where all efforts seemed futile. I  had no choice but to pull over and have an emotional breakdown- about my directional confusion and about life. Living with this health drama gets so exhausting. Diets, surgeries, alternative therapies, medicines, I've done them all. I've gotten awfully close to "okay", but I won't ever be as normal or problem-free as others. And it sucks, and I'm working through it. I can't help but wonder if I'll always be lost, searching for the way to go? 

Jack's Mannequin - "The Resolution"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmIhKF1BqCg

"There's a lot that I don't know, There's a lot that I'm still learning. When I think I'm letting go, I find my body it's still burning...

....Yeah I just need light, I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution"

Waiting for resolve, some day I know I'll have it....