Adventures with Gnomy

I recently spent 2 weeks at Mayo Clinic for a physical therapy program for Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. I drove from Billings, MT to Rochester, MN...a long 13 hour car drive (not including any stops)! Let me tell you all, this is a long trek to make by one's self! With this in mind, I convinced my BFF, Gnomy to join me for the ride. (For the record, I must clear up a common misconception: Although I appreciate all gnomes, I'm not obsessed with gnomes. Better explained: I love MY gnome, got it?? There is a difference. AKA Please everyone stop donating me gnomes, because I won't refuse to give them a loving home, but my heart truly belongs to only one gnome.

"Who is Gnomy?", you may ask. Here's his story... When I was a high school student, I was taking a ceramics class and one assignment was to create an asymmetrical coil pot...I ended up creating this gnome... this heavy 12 pound ceramic gnome, who's arms look like an afterthought. I didn't really plan him, he just sort of happened as I rolled out more coils of clay. During Gnomy's creation process, there were doubters. Most people in  my class thought he would explode in kiln when he was fired. But he did not explode. Then, when I painted him, there were more doubters. The doubters said things like, "the colors are all going to run together when he is fired." But his colors did not run. He is a champion that was made to become my goofy traveling companion. He has been on many journeys with me during the last 10 years...

He's been to Mt Rushmore!

He's been in Babe the Blue Ox's nostril!

He's befriended an ice cream eating chipmunk!

He's encouraged further education!

He's mingled with the OJ!

He's seen the world's largest Holstein cow!

He's surprised people when they need to potty!

He's seen majestic sunsets!

He's been gnome-napped to assist with a marriage proposal.

He's been a groomsman!

He's been filled with 4,657 Skittles!

He's been on wild shopping cart rides!

He's been on a ferris wheel, etc,etc,etc... You get the idea. He's been all over.

"Why Gnomy?"
1. He's completely ridiculous, and a lot of fun..
2. Easy way to make conversation with complete strangers.
3. He makes others laugh, or
4. He scares people/causes them to walk quickly in the other direction.
5. Always have a friend.

As I was saying, I took my travel buddy with me to my solo journey to Mayo Clinic in September. Gnomy agreed to drive half the distance. However, my lazy ceramic co-pilot did not hold up his end of the bargain. He mostly ate snacks and napped the entire way. AND he was supposed to be on the lookout for highway patrolmen. What was he doing when I was driving 91 in a 75 mph speed zone?? Not doing his job, that's what! Cost me $40 he did!! BAD GNOME!

 Reasons why Gnomy wasn't a very good co-pilot:
1. He's a good listener, but not very talkative. After so many hours of silence, a person gets sleepy and needs conversation to keep them awake!
2. Not a very good navigator. My husband basically has Googlemaps built into his brain, but Gnomy is a little more like me, a little more...hopelessly lost. Give this fella a map, and he will get you so lost!

3. He asks to stop at every slightly exciting pit stop. Talk about making a long drive even looonger!

Some of our exciting pit stops and sights throughout our trip: 

World's largest buffalo- Jamestown, ND

Random gas station- middle of nowhere

Largest Scheels All Sports- Fargo, ND

Bronze statue of the Mayo brothers, "Dr. Charlie" (left) and "Dr. Will" (right), in front of the Mayo Clinic Gonda Building - Rochester, MN

Boy and Dolphin Sculpture outside the historic Plummer Building - Rochester, MN

Statue of Mother M. Alfred Moes - Rochester, MN (She convinced the Mayo Bros to make Mayo Clinic a reality)

Helping with wheelchair assistance - Mayo Clinic

Taking advantage of wheelchair service- Mayo Clinic

Mac's Restaurant - Rochester, MN (if you ever get to Rochester, eat there!!!) 

Personal aircraft - landing strip in ND

Basically Gnomy helps keep life interesting. With all I've been dealt during my young adult life, I realize that I need to joke around. Despite serious circumstances, laughter is medicine to the soul. (Plus its funny to make people think I have a screw loose.) So to the people that are "too mature" to be seen with a gnome as cool as Gnomy, I say, "GET OVER YOURSELF." Stop being embarrassed and allow yourself to be lighthearted about a few things. (Rant over.)

J-Pouch Diet

What types of food does a person with a J-pouch eat?? (By the way, if you have no clue what a "J-pouch" is, you can click here --> J POUCH <--to read my blog about my special guts.) While I cannot speak for everyone who lives without their large intestines, I can speak for myself. There are a few things I've learned during the past 16 months since my Takedown surgery. I am sad to report that the diet I previously followed with Ulcerative Colitis is painstakingly similar to the diet I follow now. My eating patterns are similar in the sense that I eat a fair amount of bland foods, while avoiding foods that are difficult to digest. With that said, here's my guidelines for eating in the "No Colon Club". (By the way membership into this elite club requires taxing pain and trauma to the body, often accompanied by but not limited to emotional and physical scars.)  

DO NOT CONSUME/USE EXTREME CAUTION:

*FRIED FOODS - Eating foods that were fried in oil is like drinking pure grease. Fried food=upset stomach. Every now and then I get the intense craving for greasy fried food, but man, I pay for it later. The only fried food I've found to be an exception is fries. Perhaps because they're awesomely starchy, they don't seem to cause problems when I eat them! Yay fries!

*SPICY FOOD - The reasoning I avoid spicy is different from when I lived with Colitis. With Colitis, my colon got ticked off by curry pepper, and consuming often lead to throbbing guts and upset stomach. However, the reason I don't eat cayenne pepper now is because of something called "butt burn", a common problem with J-pouchers. Sometimes the very fire of hell feels like its exiting out my butt. No thank you! Tabasco and yummy jalapenos are out for this chica! =(

*PIZZA SAUCE/TOMATO PASTE - One of the colon's jobs was to help make food less acidic. Unfortunately without my colon, I don't get that benefit anymore. After affect=butt burn. The flavor of pizza isn't worth the toll, which completely sucks because pizza was always my favorite food!!! Oh well, I'm adjusting to having pizzaza made with olive oil instead. 

For the record, Ketchup is somehow different, and causes no problems. Probably because its made of mostly corn syrup/AKA sugar. =D

*JUICE - Although it can be harmless in small doses, it can be a HUGE problem when consumed with even average consumption. For example, last week I bought an 8 oz bottle of Orange/Pineapple Juice that I chose to drink with my "thickening dinner" (lots of bread). Guess who endured 2 days of diarrhea? Yeah, don't go there. If you know anything about fruit juice, you know its mostly sugar. Both naturally occurring sugar and science crafted sugar are both bad news bears for the small gut. 

*MILK -  Drinking a small glass of this calcium rich beverage could produce enough gas to fill a balloon with air! That being said, I prefer almond milk as my cereal accompaniment.

*CARBONATED BEVERAGES - i.e. soda/pop. Its made of bubbles, and bubbles it remains. AKA it causes tremendous gas and discomfort! When I think about drinking soda, I envision filling my guts up with tons and tons of tiny air bubbles; subsequently I change my mind!

*RAW VEGETABLES -  i.e. lettuce/carrots. No matter how thoroughly veggies are chewed, without a colon to help break down the enzymes, they will hardly become any more digested than before they were swallowed. Roughage is just that...ROUGH. 

*MUSHROOMS - Although its a raw veggie, it deserves a point of its own. Mushrooms are at the top of the list of gas producing foods. Stay AWAY. 

*BEANS - Do I even need to explain this one? No. (By the way, green beans are a different story, see cooked veggies below...) 

*SEEDS/BERRIES - Leave these for the birds!  Dried fruit and seeds will hardly get digested.

*NUTS - Of all the things not to eat, this is the worst. The reason they're at the bottom of my list is because I NEVER EVER EAT THEM, because they are PURE EVIL!

 ...and now that I have put that disturbing image in your head, you hopefully will never forget how truly evil nuts are! No matter how well you chew, without a colon, you will still poop gravel. Owwww! Take it from someone who learned the hard way, you truly need large intestines to bother with these. (Okay, eating peanuts on a Snickers bar is not the end of the world, just don't eat 1/2 a loaf of almond bread, like I did.  :O

Please understand that these foods are not actually forbidden, but I do try to follow these general guidelines myself. If I decide to eat something stupid, I try to do it on a day when I know I'll be in the comfort of my own home that evening. 

EAT SPARINGLY:

*FRESH FRUITS+VEGGIES - Admittedly, I do eat cucumbers and pickles and tomatoes, but I limit my intake. Here's the annoying thing about tomatoes though: the skin doesn't get digested. Being the genius weird-o that I am, I peel my tomatoes and throw away the skin. Strawberries seem to be fine, but raspberries are made mostly of seeds, are not as favorable with the pouch. 

*Cheese - I was told by Mayo Clinic that this protein rich, constipating food would be my new best friend. Although cheese is helpful because it bulks, I eat it sparingly and try not to get too carried away. (As with most dairy products, gas is a side effect.)

*Brown rice - Fibrous AKA hard to digest. 

****A huge help I've found in tolerating "problem foods" is something called Beano. These tablets are made from natural enzymes that prevent gas.

I know its sounds fake, but after Takedown surgery, I suffered from almost everything I ate. Once I stumbled upon this amazing helper, I could tolerate eating food a lot easier. I take 3 tablets right before the first bite of food. I do this before just about every snack or meal I eat. There's also a chewable version for people that have trouble swallowing pills. And for the record, Beano works great for people with their colon too! Pre-surgeries, I used to take Beano before eating re-fried beans and it really did help!**** 

SAFE/HAPPY FOODS:

*BREAD - regular 'ol white bread is best. (Avoid fibrous/whole wheat breads.)

*RICE - White, Minute Rice or Long grain is terrific.  

*NOODLES - Egg noodles, spaghetti noodles, Shells, etc! 

*BANANAS - Starchy and sticky again. AND they actually absorb acidity! Yay! A defensive opponent to the dreaded butt burn. So if you must eat pizza, eat a banana with it. Pizza+bananas=yum??

*POTATOES- mashed, baked, boiled. Any way you like them! When I had my ileostomy, these were my best food friend, and they still are... BFF potatoes! 

*POULTRY- Chicken and turkey are both easy to digest. Plus these meats are a good source of protein. 

RAWR, DINOSAUR CHICKENS!!

*COOKED VEGETABLES - Sauteed in olive oil, steamed, boiled or cooked in the oven. As long as they're cooked until they're no longer crunchy, they're tolerable for the guts. They don't have to be "squishy", but the better cooked they are, they easier they are to digest. Some of my favorites to cook are yellow squash and zucchini. 

Please note that I eat a lot of other foods besides the "safe" foods listed. Those are just the most common basic foods that I build my meals upon. Most of these foods are starchy and sticky, which are very good things for people in the No-Colon Club! I guess to sum up the majority of what I eat, I would say a lot of sandwiches, rice dishes, pasta dishes, stir-fry, and casseroles. And I'm totally okay with all those delicious meals by the way. =)

Alright, now maybe I won't get as many questions from everybody about what I can and cannot eat? If you're like me, treat what's left of your guts nicely!

Lost In A City, Lost In Life

I'm horrible with directions. "Horrible" would be an understatement. I'm that person that mixes east up with west. I'm that person who gets even more lost with a map in front of me. This directionally challenged handicap doesn't typically interfere with my daily life. However, this week its kicking my butt, because this week, I'm all alone by myself at the Mayo Clinic. I drove my car 2 states away from home, 15 hours from MT to MN. For the record, I had no problem getting here by myself; as I just followed the Interstate the entire way. :)

I'm here at Mayo for a physical therapy program that lasts for 2 weeks. The program has been intense, frustrating and stressful. I've been having 3 appointments per day, and am seeing very slow but sure progress. I'm trying really hard not to let it my frustration show and to keep my composure. Its hard to be strong when reminded so many times per day that I'm broken. Stupid busted up, confused body. UGH. I'm trying to be patient, really I am.

Being impaired with directional skills, I've managed to get myself lost driving in Rochester a few times thus far. (I'm not sure how I got lost, as the population is only 100,000 ish...I guess I'm just super special...) One time I was lost for 45 minutes, but was able to find my way back to my hotel. Tonight was a different story though. I got stupid, hardcore, totally blonde, L-O-S-T, lost. 

It all started when I was trying to meet up with a friend from college across town. Overly confident with my GPS on my phone, I figured it would be easy. It would have been easy, except for the fact that every route my phone took me on turned out to be blocked. Thanks, road construction, for being in the way of where I wanted to go. Three different routes were barricaded- Really?? Plus there was no detour indicated, just completely blocked off.

After many attempts and surprise road closures, I decided to give up on any plans, and head back to my hotel. Problem was, by this point I was too spun around to get back easily... For 2 hours I tried to get to my hotel, and after many wrong turns, and infuriating one-way streets, I was getting pretty upset. So I decided to stop stressing, and just drive until I found something familiar...which got me even more lost. Throughout my desperate attempts to find my hotel, I nearly ran out of fuel, asked multiple businesses for directions, collected useless paper maps, and even asked a police car escort me to my hotel. My breaking point came when I was escorted by a nice police man to the wrong hotel! As it turns out, there was another hotel by the same name across town, which resulted in me becoming even more lost! UGH! Oh yeah, and of course then my phone battery ran out. 

Personally, one of the most frustrating things in life is being lost. I hate not knowing which direction is the right way to go. I hate spinning in circles and getting dizzy. Tonight as I drove around completely lost for 2 hours, I realized that I feel the same way about my health struggles. It seems like I've been driving around aimlessly for the past 6 years of my life. I've taken helpful advice from strangers, I've followed people who claim they know where to go, I've tried my best to get where I need to be, but I haven't quite arrived yet. I'm making choices necessary to hopefully get me to a better place, but its discouraging to be barricaded by constant dead ends. 

Tonight at the intersection of 4th AVE. NorthEast, and 4th STREET NorthEast, (when I was supposed to be on 4th Avenue NorthWEST), I reached a point where all efforts seemed futile. I  had no choice but to pull over and have an emotional breakdown- about my directional confusion and about life. Living with this health drama gets so exhausting. Diets, surgeries, alternative therapies, medicines, I've done them all. I've gotten awfully close to "okay", but I won't ever be as normal or problem-free as others. And it sucks, and I'm working through it. I can't help but wonder if I'll always be lost, searching for the way to go? 

Jack's Mannequin - "The Resolution"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmIhKF1BqCg

"There's a lot that I don't know, There's a lot that I'm still learning. When I think I'm letting go, I find my body it's still burning...

....Yeah I just need light, I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution"

Waiting for resolve, some day I know I'll have it....

Medical "Vacation"

How quickly health can go downhill. I felt great for an entire month! All my pain was practically gone... Then out of the blue, a raging storm re-appeared and invaded my bright, sunny days...The pain returned, and seemingly with vengeance. Ugh. In little under a week, I went from feeling on top of the world to laying on my couch, afraid to move and afraid to eat. I would yelp as the pain came and went in angry waves. Miserable, again. 

FOOD=ENERGY, FOOD=PAIN

Fact= the body needs food and nutrients to survive. But what does a person to do when they're terrified to eat? When the necessities of life lead to awful pain...When eating plain “safe” food, like rice, is hazardous and destructive...During times like these a person eats just enough to get by, and is exhausted from lack of energy. Sleep doesn't come easy, as the stomach growls and whines for nourishment. When food equals inexplicable pain, that's how it goes! I've been to this frustrating place before. My relationship with food has been ruined by circumstances more times than I can count. 

POUCHITIS?

One thing I was curious about was “Pouchitis”. (inflammation of the J-pouch) Could my J-pouch have some sort of infection? Pouchitis is usually resolved with a couple weeks of antibiotic treatment. Because I was so desperate for relief, I  asked my GI doctor to prescribe Cipro. After taking just 2 doses of this medication, my butt pain lessened. The pain didn't resolve all together, but at least I wasn't holding back tears constantly! Yet things still didn't make sense, because I didn't have any Pouchitis symptoms. I realized that once I stopped taking the medicine, the underlying pain would return. With no understanding of what the root of the problem was, I was at a loss and feeling oh so lost.

VACATION'S ALL I EVER WANTED

After consulting with my local doctors at home, they had run out of suggestions for me. No one was able to suggest any causes of the pain. I seemed to have hit a brick wall. OW. 

<Side note- Do you know how awkward it is to have to tell your boss you can't come in because your butt hurts too badly?...hahaha, kinda funny, right?? ...because to a boss, "personal reasons" is never good enough.> 

Anywho, I had an upcoming vacation to Minnesota and conveniently, the Mayo Clinic happens to be in Minnesota. The obvious thing to do was to seek out answers from the conglomeration of knowledge at Mayo Clinic. Thus, my long awaited vacation turned into a mostly medical trip. *Sigh* All those dollars saved up for fun adventures were by default converted into lodging in Rochester. It was totally necessary though; I had to find answers because I could not go on like this. At least I got to spend time with my dinosaur love at my usual hotel in Rochester. He had really missed me, as you can see from photo below!... 

MANDATORY SCOPES

I requested a consultation with my surgeon at Mayo. However, before I could meet with him, I was required to complete a few procedures. I had to have two different types of scopes done- 1. Flexible sigmoidoscopy and 2. Pouchoscopy. Both highly uncomfortable tests that I'd prefer not to endure. The doctor that did my scopes asked me if I'd done this procedure before. My response-"Good Sir, this is my eleventh."

Me (just awoke from drugs)- "Jim, take my picture!"

This was the result....(I fell asleep instantly.) 

...moments later....
Me-"Jim, what are you doing?"

Jim- "I'm taking your picture, like you asked me to."

Me- "I asked you to take my picture??"

haha, oh drugs....

Rockstar?

"E.T. phone H-O-M-E"

Hey, at least Mayo Clinic gives out free DELICIOUS cookies after scopes! Mmm!

ANSWERS, FINALLY!

Anywho, the scopes could help the docs rule out any obvious problems with my J-pouch. I assumed they wouldn't be able to find anything though, because I'd just completed the same tests at Billings Clinic. I knew that the cause of my pain was well hidden from obvious logic. Still, I hoped they might have some suggestions for me. 

After days of pre-requisites at Mayo Clinic, I finally got to meet with my surgeon and GI doc. I explained in detail the mysterious pain that had been haunting me for over a year. I was dying to know if they had encountered anything similar with any other patients. Thankfully, they had some ideas. Thus I was referred to a different department in the building... To a specific section in the physical therapy department. Floor 14...(which by the way is actually FLOOR 13; but don't tell anyone with triskaidekaphobia...)

PELVIC FLOOR DYSFUNCTION

After more very “special testing” in the biofeedback therapy department, (let's just say it involved probes) they were able to put a name to my odd pain: Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. Long story short: my butt muscles are not in synergy with each other. The pelvic floor muscles (used for holding back and also releasing waste) are all confused. Instead of being in a relaxed and normal state most of the time, my muscles are tight and overworked...causing pain. Makes sense to me, I suppose.

NOW WHAT?

I am so relieved to have answers finally, but what's treatment options? Mayo Clinic has a program designed especially for helping people with the pelvic floor dysfunction. Its a 2 week program with very intense “re-training” of muscles. The catch?...It costs $9,000 and insurance doesn't cover any of it.

Yikes! Regardless, this September I will head back to Mayo in hopes of ridding myself of this stupid pain once and for all! Until that time, I shall stay well acquainted with Cipro, my new antibiotic friend that magically helps with pain. 

I can't help but chuckle to myself after reflecting upon my life. “Butt therapy". Of course, by default my life must be this awkwardly hilarious. 

Colon=Free at birth. Removal=$27,000

I recently had the joy of paying off my medical bill I owed the Mayo Clinic. What a fantastic feeling not to owe them any more money for my missing body parts!

<<Random side note- I pretty much started this "Care Network" trend between Mayo and Billings Clinic. I did it before it was the cool thing to do. Yeah, no big deal or anything. >>

#My face should totally be on this bench.

Here are some random yet remarkable charges throughout my surgeries:

*Subtotal colectomy (removal of large intestines)=$9,100.

*Lapriscope equipment (minimal cuts and scars)= $2,300.

*MRI of pelvis and abdomen (a few of the pre-requisites to ditching my colon)=$3,400+$2,900

*Colonoscopy (another pre-requisite)= $1,600

*Epidural=875 (keep in mind 3 surgeries means 3 of these)

*Administration of Anesthesia =$1,000

*Surgical facility (Operating room for 1 surgery) =$11,000

*Semi-private room (per day)=$1,550

*Proctectomy (removal of my rectum) =$9,000

*Ileostomy closure (bye bye bag!) =$3,057

Total surgery #1= $27,537

Total surgery #2= $16,074

Total surgery #3= $ 27,398

I'll be the first to admit that hospital and doctor bills can easily become overwhelming. I was terrified when I received my first bill after surgery #1 with a total of $27,000! Who in their right mind wouldn't be nervous?!  Yet out of a total cost of $71,000, I only paid $900 out of my own pocket. That included all three surgeries, many clinic visits, procedures, operating room expenses, hospital stay, etc..

HOW??, you ask?

During the time of my surgeries, I was lucky to have not only one, but two health insurances. (A HUGE thank you to my dad, who worked extra hours at his job, so I could have that secondary insurance!) I'd be totally screwed if I didn't have that insurance!

My dad and I, all spiffed up!

Okay, not to scare the crap out of everyone who doesn't have medical insurance... Take a breath, I've got good news to share!

Yes, healthcare is crazy expensive, with or without insurance. What many people don't realize is that many hospitals are “non-profit” and because of that reason, they are required to write off a certain percentage of their income to people in need! (Super good news!) A lot of people don't even know that financial assistance is available at their own clinic or hospital!

People are drowning in medical bills, when there's a lifeline within reach! Of course, hospitals don't advertise the fact that they give away free money. They wouldn't be able to traffic all the applicants interested in help! Anywho, the thing to do is ask for the hospital/clinic's patient accounts department, and ask about applying for financial assistance. 

Applying can be a long process and a huge headache, but totally worth the work if approved! Financial assistance usually requires copies of your most recent bank statements, a detailed list of monthly bills, credit cards, tax returns for the past couple years, pay stubs and sometimes a letter of why you need help (a chance to explain your situation). It feels a little invasive to have to give out that personal info, but they want to be sure to weed out the people who are wasting all their paycheck on booze, I suppose.

Perhaps some people might be too ashamed to ask for help. It can be hard to admit when we are struggling financially. I must say though, there's nothing embarrassing about having bills due to an unplanned disaster or life event. 

When I was 21 years old, I was hospitalized for a flare up of Ulcerative Colitis. I didn't ask for this disease. I didn't want this lifelong burden and constant thief of my income. During that time I was fresh out of college and unable to work while sick. It was an overwhelming financial place to be in. I somehow caught wind of the financial assistance program and decided to apply. The result?- My entire bill was erased!

The entire $3,000 that I owed for being hospitalized magically turned into $0! HOORAY!

I also applied for financial assistance at the Mayo Clinic. That one was more of a headache, because I applied for it a week after I got married. Suddenly they took into account both my income and my husband's income. Our bank accounts weren't even merged yet! After much back-and-forth action with missing paperwork, I finally heard back. The Mayo reduced my remaining bill to 40% off! I'll take it! That is such a huge blessing to have unwanted charges waived. Sometimes life deals some pretty crappy circumstances... and that is why I'm so glad there are organizations out there that have a goal of helping those in need. 

Spread the word, if you need help paying medical bills, sometimes all you need to do is ask! (and submit dozens of papers too...) 

"Post Surgical Pain"

BUY 9 SCOPES, GET THE 10TH FREE! (I WISH)

I had a rough couple of days this month. My pain had been shooting through the roof! I was concerned that the ulcers had multiplied like mice, so I made my doctor do yet another scope.

Pre-scope - Hospital garb+IV (super excited)

 Side note- I kept mishearing the endoscopy nurses. Instead of, "I'm going to listen to your heart.", I heard, 'fart'. Its funny listening in the prep area beforehand because other patients are farting unashamedly and slurring their speech. Quite entertaining. 

On the flip side, when I woke up from my procedure, groggy, I did and said equally nonsensical things. 

GOOD NEWS!

Surprisingly, there was good news involved! There was not an ulcer in sight! Not one! That means that Humira is working! Because the medicine is doing its job, my small intestines are healing up, instead of making holes in themselves. Yay! 

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

So what's the catch? Well hello, if not ulcers, then what the heck is causing my awful pain??? The suggestion: post-surgical pain. What does that mean?? Well I guess if I think about it, I had a lot of nerves sliced through for surgery. I have scar tissue on the outside of my stomach, and I guess it would make sense to have some “issue tissue”on the inside as well. Who knows? All I know is my butt hurts and it hinders. It keeps me locked inside my home at night and it wrecks any ambition. And it makes come off as "flaky" to those I make commitments with.

FIX ME
An obvious question would be: can I get medicine for it? Well for what? What are we treating?? “Post surgical pain” is such a broad category! I'm currently taking a drug that can help with nerve pain, but it mostly just makes me sleepy. At least I'm sleeping awesome! I wonder if there is anyone else out there who experiences this same pain?? Eh, J-pouch'ers?? Its like the inner muscles get sore when I use them. Ugh, miserable. 

LET'S TRADE PLACES

I hate being hindered. I want so badly to be that good, reliable employee, but the odds are stacked. On my worst days I must decide to push through inexplicable pain and go to work, but some days its hard to pry myself off my couch. Other times it's easier to lie to myself than to tell the truth to those who can't understand what I live with. I want to trade places just for one day with those who don't get what I've been dealt. These people would be bosses who view absences as laziness. And friends that are fading into the background because I'm less able to be adventuresome lately. 

EYES FIXED ABOVE

Granted there are seasons with chronic illness. Things aren't always completely unbearable, but its not always an easy task to pretend I'm fine either. A constant physical burden gets a person down. It can become difficult to stay positive. Yet I fight against this despair.  I must keep my gaze fixed "on things above" and not on my circumstances. I look to Christ for strength to get me through and on the worst days, He carries me. 

I ROLLED THE DICE
I took a chance with surgery. I signed legal documents that basically said there were no promises of being any better off than before. I warmly welcomed an unknown outcome because of what I was currently facing prior to surgery. My body was destroying itself. What I live with now is a daily battle of a different type. I guess this is a reminder that there are no guarantees with surgery, heck with life in general. I get that, really I do.

FORWARD -->
Ultimately healing takes time. More time than expected. A lot more time that I have the patience for. I admit I often forget how big of a deal those surgeries I endured were. So despite current troubles, I look forward--> I await the day when I can live unhindered. --> When my coming's and going's aren't limited by pain. -->I anticipate brighter days when I am not held back by this pain in the butt any longer. --> I'm waiting for the day when I can spin in circles, dancing and singing in victory, 

"Now that you're on fire, your voice is like the wind. 

Now that you're on fire, let life begin again. 

Now that you're on fire, a new day has begun. 

Now that you're on fire, you are like the sun."

MXPX "You're On Fire"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehk614eO1Ts

"You're old enough to know it's not your fault

You're strong enough to face your darkest conflict
Now you've woken from your nightmare, and now you're fighting back
And nothing can survive when you attack
This road to healing, hurts more than anything..."

I aim to forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead, hand in hand with my Savior through it all.