Monday, January 14, 2013

Breaking The Vicious Cycle

ANOTHER MIRACLE DIET?
In my search for healing, I've tried so many of those “miracle diets” out there. Just to name a few, I've tried gluten free diet (multiple times), low sugar diets, no sugar diets and The Makers Diet... Time after time, nothing has worked to turn my health around. Yes, I may have found some minor relief, but nothing to take this dreaded curse away. Granted, there are people out there who have had success on special diets and managed to flip failing health around. Hooray for those people! (I only wish I was one of them as well!)

BREAKING THE VICIOUS CYCLE
Throughout the past couple years, I've had many people tell me I need to read a particular book- “Breaking The Vicious Cycle”. 
Well I finally read this book, and I think a year too late! The theory behind the diet makes sense to me. The author basically explains how certain people (like me) can't digest complex carbohydrates like other people can. Interestingly enough, these are often the people who have been found to have IBD, Colitis and Crohn's Disease. (This explains why these people often find relief when they cut out gluten/breads/pastas, carbs out of their diet.) Consequently when these foods that can't be digested continue to be eaten, damage is done to the intestines. Not only are the nutrients not absorbed, but these complex foods wreak havoc on the bowels as they pass through. Sometimes the damage is not felt at all, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. Other times people experience painful symptoms.

SPECIFIC CARBOHYDRATE DIET
The diet in this book is called The Specific Carbohydrate Diet. The name may seem a little misleading because the typical carbohydrates that we think of are not the ones allowed. No carbs besides natural ones found in fruit and veggies. Although the body has trouble digesting complex carbs, simple carbohydrates are easily absorbed into the guts. These would be the sugars found naturally in fruit and vegetables. This book suggests a completely radical change in diet. The goal is to stick strictly to this diet for 1-2 years, which will allow enough time for damaged guts to heal themselves. Since problem causing foods are not eaten during that time, things can heal up. Commitment to the diet cannot be half-hearted, or it won't work. Reason being- if you are continually ingesting harmful foods, damage will continue to be done and healing will be prolonged. After the initial period of 1-2 years, “illegal foods” can be slowly tried and added back into diet. 

Basically the theory is that if I eat these easily digested foods for long enough, my wounded, ulcered, guts will patch themselves up. In turn, I will eventually be able to eat foods that are more difficult to digest....

GUTLESS AND DIET
I've been on this Specific Carbohydrate Diet diet for about 6 weeks at this point. And boy, is it hard to stick to! No, I haven't fallen off or eaten any illegal foods. The trouble I'm running into though is the fact that since I don't have a colon, half the foods recommended don't work for me! For example, a lot of recipes call for “nut flour”, which is actually just raw almonds chopped up very finely in a blender. Now if you don't have a colon, even the most finely chopped nuts do not get broken down or digested. FACT. I knew this, but tried to make a few recipes anyways. They tasted wonderful, but I paid for it later. Here's what I learned about eating nuts- No matter how thoroughly a gutless person chews nuts, they come out like gravel. Yes, literally like passing gravel. NOT fun. Take into consideration that this gutless girl has no rectum either, and I must say that week long damage was done! Whew! Unfortunately 90% of the recipes in the diet use the notorious nut flour and boy, I know better than to try that again!

I've basically been living off chicken, turkey, cooked veggies (the few I'm not allergic to), home-made yogurt, honey, unflavored gelatin and cheese chips.  
My delicious home-made yogurt (processing in my yogurt maker)
Cheddar cheese chips cooking up on the grill!
Not an unhealthy way to live and the food is tasty. However, I do miss convenience. Honestly I don't  miss the sugar that much, but I do miss Wendy's drive thru and I do miss frozen boxed dinners.

KITCHEN CUFFS
The other issue I've been having with the diet is that since nothing processed can be eaten, I have to cook literally everything I eat. I feel chained to the kitchen. Preparing food, washing dishes 3 separate times per day, etc.... It really takes a toll on free time. That's why I've been so busy lately- pouring all my efforts into feeding this body. I have to say that eating gluten free was about a hundred times easier than this! There are so many gluten free products available these days. At least then I just had to focus on being careful with reading labels. Truthfully I think this diet has helped cut down on my symptoms, but its wearing me pretty thin. Sometimes it takes all my energy to cook a meal, when I'm already so energy-less. I'm giving it a shot though. No idea when whether I'll stick to it for 1-2 years. I am just living one day at a time and seeking direction for the future at the same time.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Struck Down But Not Destroyed

Lately I've been trying some new diet stuff that literally consumes ALL my free time. I've also been dealing with reality finally sinking in, and making some big decisions in the process.

I must admit that I could really use your prayers. Its a struggle for me to ask for help or even tell people how crummy I'm doing because I hate hate hate when everyone treats me all weird! The super concerned comments like, “Kelsie, how ARRRRE you?” get old. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the concern. =) I really do feel the love, guys. I just want to also talk about other things. I want to be able to pretend I am just fine and dandy. Seem fair? Okay? Okay.

Reality has been sinking in finally and I am coming to terms with the fact that I have Crohn's Disease. *Sigh. Just because I lived with one chronic condition before doesn't make it any easier to accept the second time around. Its been 5 months since I was re-diagnosed and I'm finally grasping what that means. It means that I did not get rid of disease. It means I'm upset. It means that nobody knows anything. It means I'll have to pay premiums on health insurance for the rest of my life due to a "pre-existing condition". It means that I get discouraged from living with hidden pain, and frustrated that I still have no clue how the heck to just keep on going. Ugh, it wasn't supposed to be like this...

This is not the outcome I had anticipated. I was under the impression that if I had my colon removed, I would be disease-free and could move ON. I agreed to trade a major organ for new health. The surgery was supposed to fix me. I suffered with Colitis (ulcers in my large intestines) for 5 years. For whatever reason, I am one of the unlucky few who are in the tiny percentage of patients who originally had Colitis, and after surgery, the disease crossed over to Crohn's, which then attacks the small intestines instead. I never wanted this. Truth is, I'd trade just about anything to be rid of this stupid, ugly, incurable disease.

Yellowcard “Down On My Head” pretty much sums things up...


“As life flies by I'm not sure how I'm gonna do this all again, again. So line by line I write this down and I'm just trying to find the end, the end...”

I get so sick of fighting. Fighting to be healthy, fighting to live a normal life despite the fact that my stupid body insists on falling apart. Sick of fighting to avoid the super sketchy big drugs that I'm left with to treat this disease. Tired of fighting to have hope for this earthly body. I feel like I'm always giving my 110% effort and getting nothing in return. I give my body good foods, no junk, plenty of water, sleep, etc. I try all these crazy supposed healing diets, and in return my body bleeds in ways it should not, causes pain in ways that should not be possible and continually ambushes me from the inside out. This body is a serious pain in the butt!! Literally!

Fact is I am tired of wandering this desert. I'm 25, and boy, the rest of my life sure feels like its going to take forever. I mean, gosh, how am I seriously supposed to put up with however many God-given years of disease that this body has left in it?? Sometimes I think it would be easier to stop fighting. Whoa, that came out wrong! Let me clarify what I meant by “give up fighting”... Previously to me surgery meant defeat. It meant that I had lost the colon battle and given into last resorts. Not that I regret my surgeries, but in the past that was my mindset. Surgery meant I was out of options and left with an unwanted choice. Make sense? 

Recently I've been fighting against the option of taking the hard-core drugs that remain to treat Crohn's Disease. Some days I think it would be easier to give into them. Maybe it would help get my symptoms under control, and yet I know it would still not heal me. Yes, I've heard good things about Humira and Remicade, but I also know that years down the road, I may end up on a freaking liver transplant list because of these drugs! No doctor will tell you its a bad choice though because the people that have this happen are “SUCH a low percentage”. Well guess what? I am currently categorized into another “low percentage” group from Colitis to Crohn's after Colectomy. So why would I want to risk that again?? Can you see why I'm fighting like mad? I don't want to set my liver up for disaster! I want to fight until I cannot anymore. Which sucks, because its exhausting. Its exhausting living like this.

I apologize for all my ranting. Its not easy to be this vulnerable, but this is real life stuff and it sucks. Crohns Disease sucks

JJ Heller's song "In Your Hands" is a good to reminder that the Lord has me in His hands and He will not leave my side through all my battles. And just because it appears that I have unanswered prayers, that doesn't mean God isn't doing mighty things beyond my own understanding. 

 
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. “ -2Corinthians 4:8-9