APPROACH #1
I believe there's several approaches to dealing with chronic illness. One option would be anger. Ya know, the whole "Its not fair that I was sick for so long and had to get 6 feet of guts cut out" spiel. This attitude leaves a person constantly frustrated, and believe me, I've been there some days! The fact that my rearranged anatomy has put certain annoying limitations on my life drives me crazy at times.I could look at my scars and let them remind of of all the sleepless nights of post-surgical pain, aching abs and aching anus (yes, I said anus). I could allow them to remind me of hospital stays spent barfing up bile, anxiety attacks and being poked with needles. I could let my scars represent the tough times. I could let them symbolize the parts of my journey that I want to but can't forget. Honestly though, that's not what I see when I look at them...
APPROACH #2
Instead of being angry about circumstances I can't control I've decided to let my scars remind me of God's faithfulness. I choose to be thankful for His goodness throughout the trials. There are SO many things to be thankful for! To name just a few of the miracles in my life...
*Surviving 3 major surgeries! Three times I had to sign a waiver before surgery acknowledging I could die in surgery, and three times I survived. Once I narrowly escaped bleeding to death after my second surgery. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me." -Psalm 23:4
*Financial provision during my years of active disease! In case you didn't know, having a chronic illness gets expensive, yet my bills have always been paid. My medical debt was reduced and/or pardoned by hospitals multiple times! "And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19
*Healing, time and time again! Inflamed guts, torn internal stitches, eroded skin, intestinal blockages...all have been healed in His timing. "Heal me and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for You are the One I praise." -Jeremiah 17:14
*Strength to endure ongoing physical issues! During the times when my body felt like total mush, Christ supplied what I lacked. His grace has been sufficient. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." -Isaiah 40:29-31
*Never being alone! My Jesus has never abandoned me. He's spoken words of promise to my hurting soul at the times when it felt like hope was growing so dim. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10
My scars will forever be beautiful to me, and the fact that they're fading makes me sort of sad. When I look at where my ileostomy used to be, I see challenges yet victory in Christ. I see weakness yet God's strength. I see tribulation yet divine blessings. I see a year of pain yet a year of growth. That year shaped who I am in ways I can't understand. Who knew that waking up with a bag of poo strapped to my tummy could be so life changing!? Hahaha! My God has shown up in incredible ways! He has carried me through a myriad of emotional and physical scars which have continued to heal with time. Now that I live with a diagnosis of Crohns Disease, my scars help remind me of this...Even the most difficult journeys can be beautiful if you look at them with a heart of thankfulness.
Instead of being angry about circumstances I can't control I've decided to let my scars remind me of God's faithfulness. I choose to be thankful for His goodness throughout the trials. There are SO many things to be thankful for! To name just a few of the miracles in my life...
*Surviving 3 major surgeries! Three times I had to sign a waiver before surgery acknowledging I could die in surgery, and three times I survived. Once I narrowly escaped bleeding to death after my second surgery. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me." -Psalm 23:4
*Financial provision during my years of active disease! In case you didn't know, having a chronic illness gets expensive, yet my bills have always been paid. My medical debt was reduced and/or pardoned by hospitals multiple times! "And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19
*Healing, time and time again! Inflamed guts, torn internal stitches, eroded skin, intestinal blockages...all have been healed in His timing. "Heal me and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for You are the One I praise." -Jeremiah 17:14
*Strength to endure ongoing physical issues! During the times when my body felt like total mush, Christ supplied what I lacked. His grace has been sufficient. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." -Isaiah 40:29-31
*Never being alone! My Jesus has never abandoned me. He's spoken words of promise to my hurting soul at the times when it felt like hope was growing so dim. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10
My scars will forever be beautiful to me, and the fact that they're fading makes me sort of sad. When I look at where my ileostomy used to be, I see challenges yet victory in Christ. I see weakness yet God's strength. I see tribulation yet divine blessings. I see a year of pain yet a year of growth. That year shaped who I am in ways I can't understand. Who knew that waking up with a bag of poo strapped to my tummy could be so life changing!? Hahaha! My God has shown up in incredible ways! He has carried me through a myriad of emotional and physical scars which have continued to heal with time. Now that I live with a diagnosis of Crohns Disease, my scars help remind me of this...Even the most difficult journeys can be beautiful if you look at them with a heart of thankfulness.
