This Sparrow Will Sing Again

My body, mind and emotions have been through the ringer this past year. Time and time again I've been pushed to the point of giving up, of wanting to just quit and scream from the top of my lungs, “I'VE HAD ENOUGH ALREADY!!!” There were certainly times when all I wanted to do was disappear. I just needed a flicker of light to give me hope...just one good day mixed in with all the bad!

"NO ONE SAID LIFE WAS FAIR"

My grandpa, Ken Bowersox, always said “No one said that life was fair.” - and boy, if anyone had a reason to be frustrated with circumstances in life, I'd say he had one. After suffering a stroke, half his body was paralyzed for the last 12 years of his life. He had to physically re-learn how to do everything that was a normal part of life. The things he loved to do, such as fly fishing and hiking, were no longer feasible. Like it or not, he was limited. Speech was a struggle mentally and I watched him become frustrated by not being able to get the right words out. In his lifetime he also faced prostate cancer, liver cancer, bone cancer and lung cancer. I watched him struggle, but I also watched him still SMILE. Despite what my grandpa had been dealt, he always insisted on getting out of bed every morning, and facing the day with a good attitude.

That remained that same to the day he passed on in 2008. I've thought often of my grandpa's example in my life. I learned more about perseverance from that man than anyone else I've ever known.

REFINED IN THE FIRE

Right now I am sorta freaking out because I have stupid Crohn's Disease. I don't have a clue what I am supposed to do or how I'm supposed to go on living like everything is completely fine. Yet I know God is making something beautiful out of this. I know He is refining my heart in this fire. Even though sometimes the fire gets hot and burns me, I know He is allowing it for a greater good. Maybe I will never understand on this side of eternity what those purposes are, but I am trusting the Lord. I am sure there were times in my grandpa's life that he felt like his life wasn't impacting anyone. Little did he know how much of an inspiration he would be to his youngest granddaughter, years down the road. All those years I was observing his attitude and example. Honestly he impacted me more than he ever knew. The point I am trying to make is that we never really know what type of lasting effect we may leave. 

ONLY ONE LIFE TO LIVE

Although my grandpa Ken's last days on earth were painful, I rest in the knowledge that he is with Christ. The cancer took his life away from this earth and onto the next, but I know I will see him again someday. Even if you choose not to believe Jesus's promises, He is alive and His love for you is real. The truth is that His gift of forgiveness has always been and always will be free. I beg and plead with you all...please know this life and all that it encompasses are only temporary. “For it it appointed for man to die once and after that to face judgment.”-Hebrews 9:27 Friends, at the end of this life the Lord will judge us on ONE thing alone: 1.Did you accept Christ's offer of life and forgiveness? Or not? That's it. Please don't push that decision off until later, because if I've learned anything this past year, its that there are no guarantees in this life, not even one.

HE'S MOVING IN THE MESS

The past year has been a mess. I've been opened up and stitched back together multiple times. I've had my guts pulled out, cut out, rearranged, sewn and stapled back inside of me. I've had blood transfusions from anemia and hospitalizations from illness. I've had tubes, wires, medicine, blood and plasma all inserted into my veins. I've puked until I had to have a tube shoved down my throat, I've been disgusted, frustrated, broken and beat. After all that I was given the shattering news that I still have the same disease I'd just fought to hard to get rid of. Boooo! And somehow there is a reason for this.... My God, the King of kings, is alive and He is moving in the mess, I know it. Even with all the chaos, disorder and confusion whirling around in my life right now, there is something beautiful coming from it... 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that although I would never wish my trials on anyone, these crappy circumstances are bring new songs to my lips. While recovering from my surgeries, I literally could not sing. (BTW what a punishment for a musician!) Singing involves- believe it or not- our abs. My singing voice was so small and faint, as my sore stomach muscles couldn't handle the act of expanding air! Now musical notes are coming forth from both lungs and my heart. The Lord is giving me a new song to sing. One of suffering, perseverance, hope and faith. Speaking of which....

THIS SPARROW WILL SING AGAIN

The notes she lost 
in the winds that blew

First flat, then sharp, 
so out of tune

These trials have been unfair,

yet she has stayed up in the air

This sparrow will sing again...

At times she lost her way,

yet she has flown on through the gray

This sparrow will sing again

Shes flown through fire,

Her wings became tired

Endlessly trying not to crash

She clung to the sky,

Fighting for her life

Flapping hard against the storm

These trials have been unfair,

yet she has stayed up in the air

This sparrow will sing again

The the clouds will part someday

and she will forget all her pain

This sparrow will sing again...

Keep on singing, even through the storms of life.