(Part 2) Thoughts On COVID19

For several weeks I've been trying to brace myself for the impact of Covid-19. I cringed every time it was suggested to just focus on the number of recoveries. When I started writing this post one week ago, there were just above 500 deaths in the USA. Now there are over 3,500 deaths. In one week. I've sat down several times trying to write this, but struggled with how to convey my frustration with the inevitable.

Each and every person that has died from this disease meant the world to someone. Hearts are being broken and families are being devastated. Don't you dare glance past the numbers! That's 3,000 funerals caused in a single week of Covid-19's destruction in this country.

Speaking at Max's funeral - July 17, 2018

When I lost my brother in 2018, it was a big comfort to be able to assemble with his friends, coworkers and our family to celebrate his life. Unfortunately public services aren't possible at this time. It seems the dead are on hold and families are robbed of support.

At first people were uninformed about how fast this virus could spiral out of control. By now the contagion has taken root and the number of infected is blowing up. This disease doesn't only go after the old and those with other health conditions. There are 20 and 30 year old's on ventilators fighting for their lives right now and losing.

*Side note - Do you have a will? Pandemic aside, you should have one!! You can create a super basic one at freewill.com.

STAY THE HECK AT HOME

The term "flatten the curve" is the reason why "Stay-At-Home" orders are being implemented. The goal is to slow the rate at which people need care from the hospital. Unless we can spread out the number of cases over a longer period of time, there won't be enough staff or equipment to help everyone. This gives each patient the best chance at survival. 

Graduations, wedding and special events are all being postponed until further notice. Life is on pause right now, with the goal of preserving lives. It feels unfair, but we must adapt under the circumstances.

A WARNING FROM ACROSS THE SEA
When Italy lost over 700 lives in a single day to the virus, somehow it still felt unreal. We failed to see the foreshadowing from across the ocean. In the last 24 hours there have been over 700 deaths in the USA. Amazingly there are still some people thinking this is just a cold or flu. The truth is: this is a new disease that the human race has zero immunity to, and its wiping people out! Lots of hospitalizations and deaths could have been avoided if things would have been taken more seriously. I'm upset but reminded to be gracious because, after all, a global pandemic isn't something we were trained with proper etiquette about.

NEGATIVE, IN A GOOD WAY

My husband got tested for Covid-19 a few days ago. Along with other symptoms, he was having trouble breathing. Tests are scarce in our area, so the doctors did other tests before they would consider doing a swab. They wanted to rule out Influenza, Pneumonia, and blood clots in the lung. Eventually when a diagnosis couldn't be reached, they tested him for Coronavirus. Thankfully the result came back negative, but I learned firsthand what its like to watch a loved one randomly collapsing around the house because they're short on breath. I wanted to hold his hand, but instead had to maintain a safe distance.

Those that die from this virus, die without their family by their side to comfort them during their last moments. SO Brutal.

THE UNKNOWN 
There are many real concerns about the future. There's no exact time frame for how long it will take to arrive at a new "normal". People don't know how long it will be until their employer will reopen, or even IF they will re-open. Many businesses have had to close down permanently. Even people reaping unemployment benefits get a fraction of their regular income. Mine has been roughly 25% of my usual earnings, a 75% pay decrease. I know money and bills in life can get scary. Hang in there, this won't last forever.

For the foreseeable future we must take things one day at a time. Don't panic. Focus on what has lasting importance, gain patience, and take heart.

Tomorrow Is Another Day by MXPX

If you are interested in counts of the outbreak or where I got my numbers:   https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/

Thoughts on COVID-19

GLOBAL PANDEMIC
No matter what you think about COVID-19, you can't ignore it. Events are being cancelled, schools are being shut down, businesses are closing their doors. Its impacting buying selections at grocery stores and affecting travel. Whether you're of the opinion that this is being blown out of proportion or whether you think we're not raising enough fuss, we can't pretend it isn't happening. The term "global pandemic" shouldn't be taken lightly.

A DISEASE
Simply put, this is a highly contagious disease with no cure. Researchers are working to figure out how to combat it. Some people contract the disease, experience mild symptoms and recover just fine. Others have died from it. As with most illnesses, its affecting the elderly and those with underlying health issues the most. I take a medication for Crohns Disease that weakens my immune system. I'm in the category you don't want to be in.

SYMPTOMS
A major downside to this virus is that you can have it for 2 entire weeks before you experience any symptoms. Yep, this beast can fly under the radar for half a month before it pounces. Sources say that when it manifests there's a low grade fever, a dry cough, and shortness of breath/fatigue. Maybe you just feel a little under the weather. If the immune system can't fend it off and the virus becomes more extreme, it can cause difficulty breathing and turn into pneumonia. Pneumonia is when the air sacs in the lungs fill with fluid. Breathing can feel like drowning.

WELCOME TO MY GERMAPHOBIC LIFE
Being worried about getting sick is a new game to a lot of people. I deal with this concern literally every day of my life. Public gatherings can cause high anxiety for me. I have to constantly be mindful of the possibility that a common cold could destroy me. Its like others are finally getting a taste of what its like be ever aware of communicable diseases. I personally become livid when people don't stay home when they're sick. They are putting people like me in danger. This risk is what leads me to live a germaphobic lifestyle. 

#germaphobe

For this reason there's a few randoms I do:

-I've always preferred self-checkouts at grocery stores. The alternative being, a cashier handles all my items after touching other people's. I don't trust that the customers before me or even the cashier washed their hands after picking their nose.

-I don't share plates of food or beverages.

-I hate shaking hands.

I've longed for this fist bumping/air high-fiving trend to be the norm. Every Sunday when I'm greeted at church with a handshake, I don't extend my hand in return. I smile and say hello. I plan ahead and make sure my hands are carrying things so that I physically can't reciprocate. I'd rather not shake every single person's hand that the greeter also shook. Last month I went to my mom's cancer appointments with her, which involved meeting a lot of specialists. The doctors were traditional fans of the 'ol handshake. Luckily I planned ahead and had kept my winter gloves AKA germ shields on. Later I just threw them in the washer.

-I sanitize everything with Norwex. Silver is a natural antibacterial agent and is woven into Norwex fabric. Once the silver gets wet it suffocates bacteria on surfaces. Supply shortage on Clorox/Lysol wipes? No problemo for me because I've got Norwex!

CRITICAL CARE AVAILABLITY

The Coronavirus threat is like any other illness for me, in that if I get it, it could be more severe. The odds of needing emergency care would also be higher. However if the hospitals get overwhelmed with patients, it could be a very bad scenario. Too many cases of pneumonia+only so many breathing machines available= unfavorable outcomes. Saying this isn't far fetched because its what's happening in Italy right now. Their facilities are experiencing an influx of patients and the doctors and nurses are getting sick. There are simply not enough ventilators or hospital beds to help everyone recover. People are dying. The people of Italy made a short collaboration video to open your eyes. This is not fiction, its real life - hear them out. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMY0-4p9P-M

Its not unreasonable to be asked to take precautionary measures and stay home during this time. Do not take your kids out because of getting stir-crazy. I'm aware its going to hurt businesses. Would you rather kill businesses or people though? Your choice. 

"You can't keep waiting for the bomb to drop

and hope everything just stops

and falls in place while dark clouds roll away

you can't keep waiting for the bomb to drop

and watch the ticking clock

the hourglass, the shadows pass away"

"Bomb Drop" by Less Than Jake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbueEZ10cB0

SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
I live in Montana, which, as I write this is one of 4 remaining states in America that doesn't have any confirmed cases of the virus yet. I'm sure by the time I finish editing this post that will no longer be accurate. (Spoiler- no longer accurate)

I've read many articles and looked at charts comparing COVID-19 to other diseases. Conclusion: this threat is spreading fast and people are dying. Everyone has a social responsibility to help not spread this disease. All of us that are more susceptible are counting on you guys. 

SELF QUARANTINE
This ought to be something people do anytime they are sick. Not just when there's a global pandemic involved. In America we're so darn stubborn and are more concerned about a paycheck than the damage we could do to those more vulnerable. Truth is we all have bills to pay. Being immunocompromised, there have been SO many times I've suffered loss of income because I was exposed to a disease a coworker shared. Is that fair? I think not. I've had conversations with coworkers that say they feel guilty calling in sick to work...and I've wanted to scream in their faces....BUT YOU DON'T FEEL BAD COMING INTO WORK SICK AND BREATHING YOUR DISEASE ALL UP IN MY AIR?!? Inconsiderate much?! Rant over.

A PLEA FROM ME
With all the craziness and uncertainty in the world, I will say one last thing: We shouldn't give way to fear, but to wisdom. Its great to have a positive attitude, but don't be ignorant. There are thousands of lives like mine at stake. I beg and plead with you all: don't go out when you're ill. Not just during this time, but always. Let's be better people and learn to think of others first. Oh, and share your dang toilet paper if your neighbor runs out!

Here's a site with up-to-date counts associated with the Coronavirus outbreak (death toll, recoveries, etc.)
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/

Where I've Been

Apparently its been over 2 years since my last post. Life happened. Happy things, sad things, things that filled my heart and things that broke me to the core. I'm still trying to make sense of things that can't be made sense of.  

FIRST THE HAPPY

Since I was a little girl I've always loved birds. They are magical, elusive, quirky creatures that I can't help but be drawn towards. My husband always said we would get one someday. The opportunity came to adopt a 2 year old Rose Breasted Cockatoo in January 2018. If you know much about parrots, you know they can be extremely opinionated. Well, this particular bird ended up being more of my husband's bird than mine. I have to work ten times harder for a friendship with this little guy than my husband has to! So unfair. This birdy has stolen both our hearts and I must say that our laughter has increased exponentially since adopting him. Their breed can live up to 80 years in captivity, but they are basically a toddler. He has to be watched closely when he's out of his cage. Otherwise he will chew on the walls, flooring, couch, basically just destroy the house. We've put a lot of hard work into parrot ownership the past 2 years since we got him. Totally worth it, but seriously sometimes I can't go more than a minute without having to fetch him from doing something naughty in another room. Since becoming a Mamabird I haven't had as much free time to write. He became my time consuming hobby. 

Another happy matter is that I've able to return to my occupation as a server. As you may recall, I had to step away from this type of  job for a few years because of how difficult it was to stay hydrated after my surgeries. It may have taken a 5 year hiatus to come up with a system that works, but I'm glad I got here!  Honestly, an 8am-5pm work schedule was destroying me in other ways that I hadn't fully realized (i.e. too many hours sitting at a desk with stressful coworkers that cast dark clouds over an office). Now I'm back to working part time and I make the same amount I did when I worked at a "real job". Boo yah!

NEXT THE SAD

July 5, 2018: I lost my only sibling in a motorcycle accident. It was one week short of his 33rd birthday. It was absolutely crushing and still doesn't feel real. He texted me within 10 minutes of his wreck. Grief is a weird process, one that I'm convinced never truly ends.

There's something special about siblings. Even if you're complete opposites, you still have the bond of having grown up together. It feels like you're supposed to experience old age together too. I looked forward to comparing how saggy our tattoos would become when we were elderly. Now I don't get to do that with him, so instead I got one for him. 

This world is certainly a lot emptier without Max and his antics. Always the life of any party, he carried a contagious, upbeat attitude with him wherever he went and in whatever he did. Whether he was deep sea diving, motorcycle stunting, or just going to work at the hospital, he was zealous about life and living it to the fullest. I made this slideshow for his memorial service:

https://youtu.be/JXXd6do2fKQ

It feels like some sort of betrayal to have to surpass the age of an older sibling. Losing my bro was the hardest thing I've ever been through. There's nothing more devastating than death. Its so cruel, so final. But man, its coming for all of us eventually. I'm incredibly thankful for Jesus and the life He gives, if only we accept his gracious hand.

On the 1 year anniversary of Max's death, my husband and I brought flowers to the location of the accident. It felt the closest I could get to him since it was the last place he was alive in this world. Nearby was my childhood home that I also felt drawn to go past. In the front yard are 2 trees that my family planted when Max and I were little kids. One of the trees had apparently been cut back; what a strange symbolism to stumble onto. 

"We Sing In Time" by The Lonely Forest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0fxCs7sMTs

"In time the trees die and light will fade, 

but I hope for a new breath, 

a new life to take me away."

So, that's a bit of where I've been and why I've been silent for so long. More stories will come soon from this gutless girl and the medical adventures the past couple years have held.