Recovery

“Fast forward--> fast forward--> why isn't this stupid button working?!?” -Me during to my times of recovery

Recovery was a long process. After ¾ of a year, I started to miss everything…work, people, normalcy, just everything. I became so ready to move on with my life and I felt like I was in a holding tank.

*Disclaimer: I was not myself during the months of recovery* I was tired, crabby, achy and weak. My upbeat attitude slipped into a slight depression. My personality became withdrawn and at a loss for words. I sat waiting for the strange span of time to pass. I made a deal with my future self that after everything was over, I was no longer allowed to whine about being bored! It was a much longer amount of time than I'd ever wanted to sit and twiddle my thumbs! Most people would jump at the idea of sitting around all day, every day, with no responsibility and job to report to. My personality is not so. I like to keep busy. Having no income and nothing to do for so many months bummed me out. Overall recovery was a lonely and boring time.

However, I was very thankful be able to temporarily move back in with my parents. They helped take care of me by driving me to appointments, cooking me meals, helping me out of bed, bringing me ice packs, etc. After I was allowed to drive, (6 weeks after surgery) I was able to move back in with my roommates again. Even so, everyone had their own jobs to go to, except me.

(Sad Face)

On the bright side though - I had plenty of time to plan my wedding!! =D

RESTRICTIONS

-I had a weight limit of 10 pounds, reason being that I just had abdominal surgery. I kid you not, I was not allowed to push a shopping cart. Again, we use our abs for everything. A gallon of milk was about the heaviest thing I could lift, without hurting myself.

-With an occupation of waitress and a weight limit of 10 pounds, going back to work was out of the question for me. Not to mention the fact that it would be incredibly awkward to be waiting tables with a poo sack hanging off my stomach! (I had so many nightmares of my bag becoming untucked while serving). Plus with only 10-12 weeks in between each surgery, there was barely enough time to heal up!

TIME WILL PASS YOU BY

So what DID I do during those long, boring months of recovery? Truly, I don't know. I know I did a lot of sleeping, a bit of feeling sorry for myself, and watched a lot of Netflix. I really wanted to use the time to learn the French language, but the Rosetta Stone Program costs like a zillion dollars. If only I had known about “Duolingo” then! (A free online learning/translation program) Check it out! http://duolingo.com/

A TYPICAL DAY (during the first 4-6 weeks after surgery):

1. Walk- Walking wakes up the guts, gets them moving and gets you healing faster. I would walk every day to build up getting my strength back. At first I just walked two houses down and back. Then 1/2 a block away and back. Pretty soon I was able to walk to the END of the block and back. Before I knew it, I could walk as far as I wanted, without becoming too tired! I was very thankful that the Montana winter was dry. Since there was barely any snow or ice on the ground, I felt safe enough to walk around the neighborhood several times a day. I also learned not to over-do it the exercise though – such a fine line...

2. NAP- The walks wore me out, so I took a nap every day in the afternoon...and I don't mean a light 'siesta'...I would sleep for hours at a time! There is nothing you can compare to how completely ZAPPED you feel after surgery! This low level of energy lasts for weeks. In my case, it was very frustrating because I had a total of 3 surgeries. Every time I would feel great again and get my energy back, it would be time for another operation, which would leave me back at square one! 

3. Eat- I was on strict orders to gain some healthy weight! It was tricky business because I had to eat lots of tiny meals throughout the day. Gorging was discouraged because they didn't want me to get a blockage in my intestines. Smaller meals digest easier and since my guts had just been messed with in surgery, I wanted to be as kind to them as possible. Side note- its pretty difficult to gain weight when you have an ostomy. This is because your food doesn't sit there long enough to absorb as much as it would in a colon. I jokingly, but literally was on a "butter and mayo diet" and successfully gained 5 pounds! GOLD STAR! 

“WHERE'S MY DONUT?”

No, not the delicious, sugary breakfast type...

After my second surgery my anus hurt so bad for such a long time because they had cut my rectum out and stapled my j-pouch to it. Yeah, I actually had throbbing staples in my butt. It hurt to sit for months. I had to buy a special cushy donut pad to bring everywhere to sit on. The special foam donut pad had a hole cut out in the middle, making it a bit more comfy for the 'ol titanium anus.

Here is a poem I wrote during my months of recovery...

REGENERATE

Weary of waiting

Weary of wandering

This desert is wide, far, exhausting

Resting in restructure

This patient’s patience wearing thin

Worn out, wound up

Waiting for life to begin

Oh the times I've circled this parched land

Oh the times I've reached out for Your hand

I've felt nothing but defeat

In this dry, scorching heat

Re-assembled, re-designed

Sitting in a strange span of time

Healing, hoping

With something beautiful in mind

This solitude is taking it’s toll

Isolation weighing heavily on my soul

Wasted, unfulfilled time

Such a destructive, petty crime

Scars and stitches

Bruising, gasping

Re-acclimating within

These things take time

Breathe out, breathe in

Resolve is coming

I can feel it in the stir

Although its through a way

I’d never have preferred
Holding on, holding out

Never letting go of You, even in my doubt

Never giving up, hanging onto You

Even in this mess, I traipse on through

Healing takes time, patience, perseverance and faith that things will get better. Problem after problem, the Lord took care of each and every one that came my way. My issues resolved, not in my timing and sometimes not through the way I'd hoped for, but in HIS. Hanging in there during recovery is only half the fight; the other half is hanging onto God. I know it sounds cliche, but He is so good, so faithful, so kind, so compassionate. Fact. =]